Why This Matters
For those of us who have lived through racism in the UK, there are experiences that often go unspoken—moments that leave lasting wounds. Misogynoir and ostracism are two deeply embedded forms of discrimination that many ethically diverse people, particularly Black women, experience daily.
Yet, these words aren’t widely understood.
This blog aims to break down their meaning, offer real-world examples, and provide practical steps for change, healing, and accountability.
What is Misogynoir?
Misogynoir is the specific intersection of racism and misogyny that Black women experience. Coined by Dr. Moya Bailey, this term captures how Black women are treated differently because they are both Black and women.
This form of discrimination is distinct from general misogyny because it is racialised, rooted in harmful stereotypes, societal expectations, and systemic inequalities.
Examples of Misogynoir:
- In the Workplace: A Black woman is overlooked for leadership roles because she is seen as “too aggressive” when advocating for herself, while a white colleague displaying the same behaviour is praised as “assertive” and “confident.”
- In Social Circles: A Black woman’s experiences of racism and sexism are dismissed or minimised, with people saying, “Are you sure you’re not overreacting?” or “I’ve never seen that happen.”
- In Everyday Life: Black women are policed on their tone, facial expressions, or body language—whether it’s being asked to “smile more” or being accused of having an “attitude” when setting boundaries.
What is Ostracism?
Ostracism is the act of excluding or ignoring someone, either subtly or overtly.
It’s more than just social exclusion it can cause deep psychological harm and reinforce systemic inequalities. Ostracism can happen in any setting, whether it’s deliberate or unconscious.
Examples of Ostracism:
- In the Workplace: An ethically diverse employee is excluded from key meetings, team bonding activities, or informal decision-making conversations. Their input is ignored or dismissed, leading to fewer opportunities for progression.
- In Social Circles: A friend group stops inviting their Black friend to gatherings after they spoke out about racism or challenged a harmful joke.
- In Everyday Life: A Black mother is ignored at the school gates, while white parents engage in friendly conversation around her.
- When she attempts to join, the conversation shifts, or people act as though she’s invisible.
Challenging White Tears and Healing Brown Scars
One of the biggest barriers to addressing racism is white fragility, often expressed through “white tears” when white individuals respond to conversations about racism with guilt, defensiveness, or emotional distress that shifts the focus away from those experiencing racial harm.
Meanwhile, ethically diverse communities carry Brown scars—the emotional and psychological wounds left by repeated racial discrimination, exclusion, and gaslighting.
Healing from these scars requires recognition, community care, and structural change.
Steps to Challenge White Tears:
- Decentre Your Emotions: If you’re white and feel defensive when race is discussed, pause and reflect instead of making it about your feelings.
- Listen Without Defensiveness: When ethically diverse people share experiences, believe them instead of explaining them away.
- Learn, Don’t Demand: Educate yourself on racism and misogynoir instead of expecting others to do the labour.
- Take Accountability: If called out, reflect and change instead of seeking validation that “you’re not racist.”
Steps to Heal Brown Scars:
- Find Your Safe Spaces: Connect with communities and individuals who understand your experiences and provide validation.
- Protect Your Peace: Set boundaries with people or spaces that cause emotional harm.
- Reclaim Your Narrative: Your experiences are real. Keep a journal, join discussion groups, or create art that affirms your voice.
- Rest and Rebuild: Racism and ostracism take a toll. Prioritise rest, therapy, or cultural healing practices.
Action Checklist: Stop, Start, Change, Commit
What We Should STOP Doing:
- Dismissing or minimising experiences of racism and misogynoir.
- Gaslighting ethically diverse people by questioning their reality.
- Allowing white fragility to derail discussions on racism.
- Tokenising Black women and other racially diverse people instead of including them meaningfully.
What We Should START Doing:
- Actively listen to and believe Black women’s experiences.
- Speak up when we witness exclusion or racism, even if it’s uncomfortable.
- Centre the voices of those experiencing racial inequalities in discussions and decision-making.
- Educate ourselves on intersectionality, privilege, and bias.
What We Should CHANGE:
- Our workplace cultures, ensuring fair representation, progression, and safety for all.
- Our social norms, normalising discussions about race and gender without fear or discomfort.
- The way we challenge discrimination, moving from passive allyship to active solidarity.
What We Should COMMIT To:
- Holding institutions, organisations, and social groups accountable for systemic racism and misogynoir.
- Advocating for policies and practices that support equity and justice.
- Making space for healing, joy, and well-being within our communities.
- Practising everyday inclusion, not just during Black History Month or when issues make headlines.
Final Thoughts
Understanding misogynoir and ostracism is the first step in addressing how these forms of discrimination impact ethically diverse people, particularly Black women.
Challenging white tears, healing Brown scars, and making real, lasting changes require consistent effort.
We all have a role to play in stopping harm, starting conversations, changing attitudes, and committing to action.
Are you ready to take the first step?