“Our lived experience as human beings is shaped by intersectionality the interplay of race, gender, disability, class, culture, sexuality, and countless other factors. These dimensions shape how we relate to others, and how others relate to us.
In workplaces, meetings, classrooms, and daily life, this means we will inevitably cross paths with people who challenge, frustrate, or test us. Left unaddressed, these moments can cause significant well‑being issues. Yet when met with clarity, grace, and boundaries, they can also create space for understanding, belonging, and mutual respect.
You can’t always avoid difficult people. But you can learn to manage the dynamics and protect your peace. Here are 16 actionable dos and don’ts, expanded with examples and reflection questions, to help you stay calm, clear, and in control without losing yourself in the process.
When they’re being aggressive
Do: Hold firm and say, “I’m willing to talk when this is respectful.”
Example: Someone raises their voice in a meeting. Stay calm and state clearly, “I want to have this conversation, but only when we can speak with respect.”
Don’t: Escalate or tolerate abuse.
Reflection: What words or body language can you use to stay grounded when confronted by aggression?
When someone interrupts you
Do: Say, “Let me finish my thought then I want to hear your take.”
Example: Someone talks over you in a staff briefing. Calmly state, “I’d like to finish making this point, and then I’m happy to listen to your thoughts.”
Don’t: Talk over them or shut down.
Reflection: How can you create space for both your voice and others’ in meetings?
When it gets personal
Do: Say, “Let’s stay focused on the issue, not personal stuff.”
Example: Someone makes a comment about your background or identity. Maintain boundaries by stating, “This is about our work, not about personal characteristics.”
Don’t: Take the bait or retaliate.
Reflection: What internal resources can you draw upon to stay composed when remarks get personal?
When criticism feels harsh
Do: Look for the useful piece or best possible interpretation.
Example: Someone criticises your approach sharply. Try saying, “Thank you for sharing your point of view I’ll consider this as I review my approach.”
Don’t: Get defensive or shut down.
Reflection: What questions can you ask to understand the intention behind harsh feedback?
When they won’t listen
Do: Ask questions and seek understanding.
Example: Someone refuses to acknowledge your contribution. Try asking, “Help me understand your point of view can you say more?”
Don’t: Lecture or steamroll.
Reflection: What can you do to invite listening when the conversation feels one‑sided?
When they push a bad idea
Do: Ask, “What’s the best next step we can agree on?”
Example: Someone proposes a misguided approach. Try saying, “That’s an interesting point what would a successful next step look like for both of us?”
Don’t: Keep arguing just to win.
Reflection: What shared outcomes can you highlight when faced with disagreement?
When it’s going in circles
Do: Say, “Let’s pause and revisit when we’re both ready.”
Example: Someone rehashes the same argument repeatedly. Try saying, “I value this conversation, and I think we’ll both benefit from some space to reflect before we continue.”
Don’t: Push through unproductive tension.
Reflection: What signals tell you it’s time to step away from a looping conversation?
When they disagree strongly
Do: Acknowledge their view and find common ground.
Example: Someone strongly disagrees with your proposal. Try saying, “I understand your concern. We both want this to work well for the team — can we build from that common goal?”
Don’t: Try to force instant agreement.
Reflection: What common interests can you draw upon when disagreement intensifies?
When you need to set a boundary
Do: Be clear, direct, and respectful.
Example: Someone speaks to you in a dismissive way. Try saying, “I’m happy to discuss this matter, but I expect mutual respect throughout.”
Don’t: Hint, avoid, or explode.
Reflection: What boundaries are vital for your well‑being? How can you communicate them?
When they’re thinking illogically
Do: Ask, “What evidence supports that?”
Example: Someone makes an unfounded claim. Try responding, “That’s an intriguing point. What evidence can you share to support that?”
Don’t: Let emotion override reason.
Reflection: What questions can refocus a conversation from feelings to facts?
When you’re triggered
Do: Take a breath and pause before responding.
Example: Someone says something that triggers old wounds. Try pausing, noticing your feelings, and choosing a measured reply like, “That comment landed hard for me. Let’s slow down.”
Don’t: Let it leak into your tone or words.
Reflection: What techniques help you stay grounded when old triggers arise?
When someone avoids the issue
Do: Raise it directly but gently.
Example: Someone evades accountability. Try saying, “I noticed we’ve yet to discuss this point. Let’s make sure it doesn’t slip away it’s important for both of us.”
Don’t: Hope it just goes away.
Reflection: What strategies can you use to create a safe space for necessary conversations?
When there’s tension but no talk
Do: Invite a calm, open conversation.
Example: You sense tension in a team, but no one speaks openly. Try saying, “I’m noticing a shift in energy. Would it help if we created space to openly discuss how we’re doing?”
Don’t: Ignore the elephant in the room.
Reflection: What signs alert you to hidden tensions? How can you create space for dialogue?
When feedback is needed
Do: Be honest, specific, and focus on behaviours.
Example: Someone’s approach is impacting others negatively. Try saying, “I’ve noticed when meetings run over, some team members struggle to contribute. Let’s think about how we can make space for everyone.”
Don’t: Sugarcoat or criticise vaguely.
Reflection: What feedback have you received that inspired positive change? How can you model this approach?
When your values are crossed
Do: Stand firm with grace.
Example: Someone makes a comment that contradicts your values. Try stating, “That doesn’t align with how I’d like to engage can we agree to approach this in a more respectful way?”
Don’t: Compromise your integrity to avoid conflict.
Reflection: What are your core values? What language can help you defend them?
When there’s resistance
Do: Ask, “What concerns are holding us back?”
Example: Someone resists change openly. Try saying, “I can sense some reluctance can you help me understand what concerns might be at play?”
Don’t: Bulldoze or dismiss hesitation.
Reflection: How can you create space for resistance to be expressed and addressed openly?
Managing Others Starts with Managing Ourselves
Each of these moments is a test of patience, professionalism, and personal resilience. But when we approach them with awareness, integrity, and compassion, we create the possibility for understanding, belonging, and trust.
In a world where belonging, equity, and respect must be intentionally cultivated, learning to manage difficulty is vital for anchoring EDI into everyday practice.
You don’t have to match their energy. You just have to manage your own.
What about you?
What other tips would you add? What strategies have worked for you when dealing with challenging conversations and people?
Share your thoughts and help build a collective resource for making workplaces, communities, and relationships spaces where every person can thrive.